The Fist Bump

Who invented this moronic gesture? Yipster huppies who watched The Office and Boiler Room one too many times? People who hate handshakes? And the waves of brine-like human shrimp who let themselves drift in a red tide of hapless conformity.... Grotesque. Yglesias knows where the hands have come to on the clock of cool:

Via Frank Rich's column, a USA Today article on the growing prominence of the terrorist fist-jab greeting in business circles that scores very high on the unintentional comedy scale. If Obama wins, I think this could wind up being like JFK and men's hats. 

We are killing the handshake, one of the immortal outward expressions of American genius of all times, for no better reason than boredom. The fist bump is a farcical and inappropriate way of sealing deals and a borderline insult as a personal greeting. There is no way to judge a man's character by his fist bump. Phonies and fakers receive even greater a pass than the used car salesmen of yesteryear, who at least had to develop strong wrist muscles and suppress the DTs. 

Amid the madness of an Obama presidency, the worst thing to come would be the nationalization of fist-bumping under a giddy, mandatory rubric -- not of Hope and Healing but of a white-bread 'sense of entitlement' to some fifth-rate parody of being Down. Better that Gnarls Barkley were voted into the White House, or Gary Hart and Jesse Jackson. Then, at least, the tension would either dissolve into an American Apparel-style cuddle party or explode into a long-delayed public pogrom of pent-up accusations and scores to be settled. Either a brave new world where the real post-racial boogie goes down, or a spasmodic, interminable return on the Democratic side to the zombie reflex that has animated Republican politics since Reagan was fed to Ford, only to rise again; Bush to Reagan, and ditto; Dole and Kemp to Bush, to come lurching back with a chokehold on the party as firm as on any ball point pen; and finally McCain to Bush...

...and who next but Romney, only the latest and greatest contender to come back with the new moon, properly trained in the art of sucking up losing like sucking out brains...?

Comments

[Freddie]

I thought the handshake was a product of Roman genius.

[southpaw]

I thought it was Sir Walter Raleigh in the 16th Century.

Presumably there was a Poulos ancestor back then, writing angst infused scrolls bemoaning the death of the courtly bow. How are we to judge a man's submission to the sovereign unless he makes a proper obeisance?!

(In reality, the fist bump has been around, even amongst preening white dudes, for at least 10 years. I don't know why Obama gets credit for all this stuff.)

[Charles Frith]

I thought the fist bump was a gesture of irony. I'd laugh if someone pulled a knowing fist bump on me in a meeting.

[YukYuk]

I always thought the "fist bump" was created because far, FAR too many men don't wash their hands after using the bathroom. It's a way to show commeraderie without having to clasp the fingers that held the penis.

[Sam]

The fist bump replaces the high five, NOT the handshake.

[Evan]

I'm not a regular reader of this blog, I only saw this article because another blog posted it.

Are you all completely nuts? What is post-modern about bashing a fairly new way of greeting somebody? Where is the inherent evil in it? Maybe people are attracted to it because of its simplicity. I don't know about the types of friends you have (or don't, if you spend this much time criticizing the inane) but there are quite a few variations of hand-greetings so a simple fist-bump is nice sometimes. It also works as a finishing touch on an otherwise complicated greeting.

And there IS a way to judge a man by a fist-bump. You know how? Cause you punch that mans hand and see how he responds.

BUT - I agree it would be tacky in a more professional environment. I do not agree that it is moronic or that it is insulting as a greeting.

And finally, how do you reconcile these arguments with a picture of you (I assume its you) with muttonchops and aviators?

[Tom from Omaha]

The handshake is a universal human gesture of openness?

American????!!!!!

Believe me, they do a lot more hand shaking in Russia than we have ever had here.

Maybe when conservatives return to reality someone will listen to their words for more than their entertainment value.

[Ha]

As it's been noted, it's a subtle high five, not a greeting. Dap is the handshake substitute.However,I understand that many young men wear their t-shirt's and polo's UNTUCKED. Strike! Strike for culture, and man , and God, and all the children yet born! The Virtues, they depend on YOU good sir!

[Flynn]

What a load of crap.

[Angry Sam]

The fist-bump is fine, given the proper setting and context, as a gesture of congratulations and/or camaraderie. It's not a greeting, nor was it one when the Obamas bumped fists.

[n]

Look, if you think the pound has anything to do with Obama, where have you been for the last decade? It's been in major, popular movies, on tv, and already so common that literally only the most cloistered, ancient, out-of-touch Republican talking heads could gin up any authentic puzzlement.

"We are killing the handshake" is so much bull. Better hop in your time machine and warn everyone that the high five is killing the handshake as of 40 years ago, then come up with some random stony thoughts about What It Means.

[Miles]

This is a joke though, right?

[JLH]

Wow, talk about someone REALLY coming unhinged. The handshake is not and never was an American invention. I also don't think people will stop shaking hands as a greeting should Barack Obama get elected. Just relax and go back to preparing for the Rapture you buffoon

[MTB]

The fist bump is hardly ever used in a situation where it is a substitute for the handshake, you insufferable nitwit. It lies in the pantheon of congratulatory physical contact, in with the high-five, forearm bump, the wrist bump, the butt slap, the head bump (in football), and the chest bump. The only time I can ever think of seeing a handshake used in this manner is in old Marx Brothers movies, between Groucho and Chico Marx after a particularly inane observation.

Go find something else to tut-tut about.

[Stacy]

Like others have said, its not a handshake replacement. Its a high-five replacement, or substitute. More importanly, do you ever watch sports? Baseball, hockey and basketball players have been fist-bumping for over a decade. You sound disgustingly out of touch for a man your age.

[some guy]

Are you a troll? Like, seriously. Handshakes are great, but even now the rules of handshake etiquette are unclear. Do you shake hands with women? Children? What about people missing their right hands, do you ignore them or switch to a left-handed shake? When it is appropriate to add the left-handed forearm clasp to the regular shake?

Myself, I prefer bowing. No germs, no awkwardness with the differently abled, and you can do it at a distance longer than an arm's length.

Also, further proof that handshakes aren't American, but in fact support terrorism! Shake=sheikh=spiritual leader of muslims=Osama bin Laden! Down with Republicans selling out America to rich Arab fundamentalists! Down with handsheikh-ing!

[Adam Stempel]

The fist bump is nasty, brutish, and short, in a very real way. I don't think that it's on its way to replacing the handshake, but it's also vastly inferior to the high five, which at least takes coordination and can be incredibly satisfying when done correctly. Some of my best triumphs have been celebrated with high fives. Some of my best friends have been introduced with handshakes. The only thing fist bumps are good for is exactly what Senator Obama uses them for: brief exchanges of public intimacy with his wife. Anything beyond that is shallow and vulgar.

[Warren Jackson]

Is this guy being sarcastic or is he just a delusional half-wit who couldn't write his way out of a wet paper bag? How the hell did I even find this blog?

[Custom Essays]

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[danial]

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